Blog Post #43: Ageism Pt. 2
We talked about ageism and age discrimination in the last post. Unfortunately, it is something that most of us will have to deal with. As I explained in the last post, being assertive is the key to dealing with it individually. We will certainly have a lot of feelings when we are mistreated because of our age, when we are not respected as someone who has been around the block a few times, and may know the territory better than someone with less experience. As we get older, we need to develop, at least most of us do, a thing called wisdom. It is based on our experience but is dependent on our ability to organize that experience and to express it in ways that others can actually hear and appreciate. Bullying others because you’re older and being condescending will not be helpful. Tone and patience are important. Don’t jump to conclusions that other people are discounting you. Or perhaps, they just don’t understand what you are telling them or how you’re expressing what you have to say. Take time in these interactions. Be clear in your communication, and like with any relationship, connect with the other person. Relationship is critical. Don’t discriminate against them because they are younger and have less experience than you. Respect them for their abilities, and hopefully they will respect you for your abilities and knowledge, and experience.
Deal with your feelings about getting older. Don’t be angry with others or with yourself. Aging is a normal process. As we get older, we have more difficulty remembering things and especially recalling names. This is normal. Do not immediately assume that you are developing Alzheimer’s if these are your only symptoms. Don’t assume other people should give you a free pass because you have seniority. Other societies might, but in general, our society will not. If you’re planning on retiring, if you can afford it, do it, and do it at the top of your game. Don’t wait until someone else has to suggest the option to you. Be optimistic about the future. Most of the research says that people who are happiest in our society are people in their 60s and 70s.
Connect with others about your concerns about aging. It happens to all of us, and you will find that your feelings are most likely quite similar to others. Most of all, be flexible in the way you deal with the aging process. This may be hard to do. As we get older, we need to value more things that have nothing to do with physical ability or appearance. Appearance and physical ability will diminish as we age. No matter how fit you are, you cannot run a mile faster than most 18 or 19-year-old athletes. Don’t stop exercising or trying to look your best, but realize the outcome of your efforts will be different at 70 than they were at 30. Concentrate on the things that you can still do well and work on strategies for compensating for the things that you’re having difficulty with. One of the attorneys who was a prosecutor at the Nuremberg trials in the 40s was interviewed recently on 60 Minutes. He has a workout routine that he still follows every day and still works as an attorney. He is 101. 70 and 80 are getting younger every day.
Ron Breazeale PhD
Clinical Psychologist
